Honing Happiness

It’s a common quest, searching for the elusive thing we call happiness. Psychological and sociological experts, religious leaders and plain ol' everyday people have been trying to capture it for ages. Lately, it seems to have become an even more popular topic, particularly for people who have what they want but still feel a sense of "malaise" as Gretchen Rubin describes it in her book and blog The Happiness Project. In my practice and in my life, I’m intrigued by happiness: what is it, what causes it, and how can we cultivate it? I think of it less in terms of “happiness,” which to me connotes the more over the top fun, smiley, less frequent, special occasion kind of feeling, and more in terms of “contentment,” a joy in the little things, and acceptance of the intertwined ups and downs life presents.

In Portland, around the country and in the world, recent events, driven by economic and political uncertainty, make the idea of creating happiness even more complicated and more important. In light of this, I decided to spend my next couple posts throwing the topic out there in hopes of generating some discussion and maybe some happiness contagion, so please feel free to chime in. 

Yesterday I had the pleasure of hearing Dr. Christine Carter speak about happiness. Carter is a sociologist with a recent book and website on the topic, Raising Happiness. Today she shared three main points about happiness - something she emphasizes requires skill to create. Below I’ve emphasized her three key points and some of my own additional thoughts. While she didn’t cite the specifics of her research and sources, I’m trusting their general accuracy (and have also included links to the blogs and websites of Carter as well as the other writer’s and researchers she mentioned).

First, Carter shared that happiness is a precursor to success, not the outcome of success. Happy people (when other factors are controlled), tend to find success more frequently than those who are not happy. Often people believe that success, creates happiness, but one of Carter’s sources, Shawn Anchor, has conducted research indicating the reverse. “Happiness fuels success, not the other way around. When we are positive, our brains become more engaged, creative, motivated, energetic, resilient, and productive at work;” it's known as the happiness advantage, in which successful people are successful in part, due to their happiness. It makes sense; after all, can't we all think of  someone successful and miserable?

Second, Carter reminds us that kindness is the best happiness booster. During the presentation, she played one of the Free Hugs Campaign videos that went viral and global a couple years back. It's one I had seen before, but when we watched it yesterday, Dr. Carter asked us to notice how we felt watching the video. As I watched, I noticed myself smiling, laughing, even tearing up as I observed the generous givers and joyous recipients of hugs. I was moved and empowered by the joy of something so simple and free. (This coming from someone who was not raised in a huggy, touchy-feely kind of way. In fact, I owe my college boyfriend for teaching me to hug - thanks Mike). It demonstrated how such a simple act can create connection, energy, happiness and, in this case, positive emotional contagion (I’ll take that over a flu bug any day). When the video ended, Carter explained what we all experienced, that not only giving of yourself, but even watching someone giving, or thinking of giving, causes a positive emotional reaction in the brain that mitigates the stress response (that nasty cortisol that can be so effective with fight or flight, but unfortunately, so ineffective with most everything else). She continued by emphasizing the proven truth that, beyond helping us feel better emotionally, these positive feelings strengthen our brain and physical function (think immune system, among other things).

The third premise in Carter’s presentation was one that we’ve all heard of (largely thanks to Oprah and the gratitude journal) but likely still struggle to implement daily. Studies show that people who cultivate gratitude feel happier. One reason for this is linked to how the brain works. In part, our brain can only retain so much information, so if we’re cluttering it with negatives, we will feel bad. If we do the opposite, deliberately focusing on what we’re grateful for, our brain doesn’t have the room to take in as many negatives, this time mitigating the stress response by minimizing our perceived exposure to stress. Even when nothing changes in our circumstances, our changed perspective affects happiness (see 365 Grateful).

Speaking of the brain, it’s important to know that our brains are a bit of a paradox; while studies show that positive emotions help our brain function improve, our limbic system (otherwise known as the old or reptilian brain) is focused on protecting us by attending to negative stimuli; it’s where our fight or flight center works to recognize and protect us from danger. This was great back in caveman times when you needed to react swiftly and strongly to escape that tiger. It’s also helpful when you’re driving and have a near accident, or for that guy who sawed his arm off to escape certain death in 127 Hours; don't get me wrong, our fight or flight systems are helpful. Unfortunately, when our basic needs are met and we're not in immediate danger, our limbic systems don’t stop, they tend to focus on “threats “ of other kinds, sometimes contributing to our overfocus on the negatives. Ever noticed that feeling like everything's going well, but you can't relax or enjoy it because you're waiting for the other shoe to drop? Searching for problems to fix or obsess about, so you're not caught off guard? Our limbic system's job isn't to "think," it's job is to quickly react, and in so doing, it overgeneralizes and overresponds to dangers, and doesn't really know what to do with itself when there aren't any. It can't understand on its own that our odds of health, success and survival increase when we feel happier (see Carter's and Archer's research). Fortunately, our cognitive “thinking” brains can and should work with our reptilian brains, mitigating the limbic system by choosing to focus our attention on positives, creating a perspective more likely to increase happiness and, therefore, emotional and physical benefit. It's all pretty heady (excuse the pun), so we'll take a break for today and move on.

The other day my son, thumbing through a Target Christmas circular, said, "Life is really hard. I wish I could get everything I want. I don't like choices." I hid my chuckle as I thought of the profound truth in this 6-year-old's statement, a thought shared by much of modern culture. It’s something Carter references as “the abundance paradox.” We’re so used to having everything, (and having all sorts of marketers selling the idea that one more thing make you happy), that we can’t appreciate anything we have; we feel disappointed we don’t have everything rather than grateful for our abundance. Again, we’re not assisted by our brain’s pattern of noticing what’s missing, and so we miss what we already have (we’ll talk about this one more in future posts - think perfectionism and indecisiveness).

After all the tips, Carter closed with a simple fact: It’s been found that if you are happy, there’s a 9% increase in your friends’ happiness and an increase in the happiness of their friends. She followed with a quote from one of my favorite Buddhists, Thich Nhat Hanh. He said, "In our daily life, if we can smile, if we can be peaceful and happy, not only we, but everyone will profit from it. This is the most basic kind of peacework.” So today, in your own small way, I encourage you to be both gracious and giving. Your happy feelings will thank you, and you'll be contagious - in a good way.